


Virgil, enough is enough; you must let this happen!

by natigail



Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Episode: Flirting With Social Anxiety, Flirting, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Self-Reflection, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27269500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Up until recently, Virgil has found a home and a family in Thomas and the three core sides - Logan, Patton and Roman - however, all of them has been shook up with the arrival of two Sides from Virgil's past and what their presence means.After Virgil confessed his big secret to Thomas, things have been different between them. Virgil isn't shutting himself out agin and Thomas isn't casting him out either but things as still tense. When Thomas decides to escape to the mall, Virgil is content to leave him alone with Roman in charge. Virgil really isn't sure how he ended up arguing with Roman over how to flirt with a guy.**All dialogue is from the Sanders Aside video called Flirting with Social Anxiety -watch it here**
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides Videos - Virgil's point of view [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/856816
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Virgil, enough is enough; you must let this happen!

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back? Me! I loved the new Aside video and while I'm dying to see when we'll tackle the aftermath of Virgil's reveal of his past, I had so much fun with this. I do love Roman and Virgil's dynamic.

Virgil never thought it would be like this. He had never imagined he would be allowed to stay with the three core Sides like this. He hadn’t thought he would be able to find comfort and a sense of belonging while being next to them.

Lately that has all crumbled. Virgil isn’t sure if it was a case of them having to break down a shaky foundation to be able to build a sturdier structure or it just means that everything that was Thomas could be laid to ruin.

Janus and Remus had arrived, and just like when Virgil had first learned to manifest, they had brought a whole hoard of problems with them. What does it mean that Thomas is finally allowing more of the darker aspects of himself to have such a clear and concise voice? Virgil fears what the answer might be to that.

Virgil had stayed away when Thomas had come back fuming from the wedding because the whole thing had left him feeling paralyzing. He felt a tightness in his chest and he had trusted that Roman and Patton would be able to reassure Thomas better than he could.

The choice had been made, whether it was the right one or not. You couldn’t go back and change it. Virgil knows that all too well. Too much of his anxiety aspect had been screaming that at him ever since Thomas had arrived at that wedding and been on edge. Thomas had been so unsure when he had to make the choice with all of them in the court room but he had returned red-hot angry.

Virgil never vibed well with that emotion.

Looking back at how everything had gone down, maybe Virgil should have tried to be out there too. He isn’t sure he would have been able to do so, not with Janus swooping in and taking up so much space. Even Logan had decided to show up in a different form, like he couldn’t bear to be in the room fully.

They are all hurting so much. Roman, Patton and Logan are all falling apart and Virgil can’t help but blame himself. He was the first newer addition and he paved the way for Janus and Remus whether he wants to admit it or not.

He had been surprised to hear that Janus had revealed his name. He hadn’t thought that Janus would do that. It had been something they had in common. One of too many things. They had kept their name close to their chest for a long time.

Patton had mutated and twisted and Logan had been kidnapped and impersonated and Roman had been an insecure mess who kept making mistakes, even if his intention had been good.

It left Thomas feeling frantic for days on end. The neighbor’s dog barking had only been a mild annoyance before but now it is something that is driving him nuts. It is because he is stressed and overloaded. In that state, it only took something trivial to push you over the edge.

Virgil isn’t sure what Janus or Remus have in mind for interfering with Thomas’ life like they currently are but he could only guess that it would bring around chaos. Chaos had been wrought on Thomas’ life a lot since Virgil had entered it.

It made him feel bad, but he had also learned that he is a vital part of Thomas and he can’t back away. He wouldn’t do it again, but that doesn’t mean that he likes how things are turning out right now. He just wants Thomas to be happy. He just wants Roman to achieve his dreams, Patton to feel safe and Logan to be appreciated. He wants good things for all of them.

Virgil feels something prickle at him when Thomas groans at the camera, too worked up to film the episode with them that he has been stewing over for a while. It will be a reckoning, if Virgil is to guess and he is happy to put it off, just for a little while.

Things aren’t good but they are at somewhat stable equilibrium. It feels preferable to shake the whole thing up because Virgil is almost certain that it would tip over into the bad side once they started talking about everything again.

A little breather, specifically a trip to the mall, would probably do Thomas good.

Virgil tries to pretend that it doesn’t feel like hiding.

*******

Roman takes the reins as Thomas ventures out and none of the other Sides protests. Virgil wonders if all of them feel a little too fragile to help here. Roman is not in a stable mindset either, not after Janus had fucked with him, but he puts on a big smile and he sets himself in down Thomas’ driving seat, so to speak.

Roman is good at helping Thomas be distracted. He has doing it since Thomas was a little boy. He would spin fanciful stories, or make up silly games, or find entertaining things to occupy him.

It turns out that the first thing is a movie. Virgil is trying to just chill but Thomas is a little too on edge for him to relax completely. And then comes spike that startled Virgil awake in the most frustrating way.

“Theater 6 will be down the hall and to the right. Enjoy the film!” the person in the box office says cheerily.

“You too,” Thomas replies, and it is all Virgil really needs to spring right to the front of Thomas’ consciousness. He knows it is just a politeness thing, a slip of the tongue, and yet here he is. Anxious and worried. Thomas knows it too when he isn’t caught up in the moment.

Virgil feels him stumbling over the words, not being able to form any coherent sentence. Virgil tries to grab the anxiety and holds it tight. It is just a momentary spike. Virgil can handle this, even if it means he pushed right to the forefront, beside Roman.

“Dude, it’s okay. People do that thirty times a day,” the employee says, relaxed and chill. “Please relax.”

Virgil bristles a little. He detests having people tell him to relax. They always say like it is easy and being tense is just an unfavorable choice he keeps picking. He doesn’t want to be tense and on edge.

“Oh no, I’m just, uh, excited about the movie,” Thomas says, jittery and nervous more now that Virgil’s grasp on the anxiety has slackened. “Bye!”

Thomas runs away faster than is probably warranted for a simple slip of the tongue that is very common, but Virgil can’t judge when he is the one who urges his feet forward. It isn’t really his fault. He needs Thomas to move away from the uncomfortable encounter to feel better.

“Okay,” Thomas says when he finally stops, “theater what is down the where to my what?”

He looks down at the ticket and Virgil feels a yank that actually pulled him out into the world. He hates when he is pulled out against his will. It is in part Thomas who got anxious but Roman also grabbed him and pulled alongside with himself.

Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with Thomas alone. Virgil isn’t sure he can be of much help.

“By the several severed heads of the Hydra. We’re really here, aren’t we?” Roman declares dramatically.

Virgil would have chuckled at that if not for the fact that he is busy enjoying his popcorn and trying to keep Thomas’ growing guilt under control. A wrong ticket. Why did he have to get a wrong ticket?

“Yup,” Virgil says and he can feel his voice turning slightly cold and cynical. He isn’t sure how to stop it. “Making away with a few extra bucks when you know full well that that employee made a mistake.”

“I just saw it,” Thomas says to defend himself, a little frantically.

“Trying to live while you’re alive, huh, Thomas?” Roman says, speaking dramatically. “And at the expense of poor Paige at the box office?”

Virgil feels himself swooped up in it too. It isn’t his fault. Being out in public and manifested is messing with his head already. He has never liked accompanying Thomas like this. He knows the other people around the cinema couldn’t see or hear him, or Roman for that matter, but he still feels exposed and vulnerable.

He doesn’t have himself under control and as such, the anxiety part is the first thing that came out. The overthinking is fueled by guilt.

“What happens when the door person sees that someone who obviously isn’t a senior was rung up as a senior?” Virgil questions. “Who gets punished? Not you.”

He is spiraling just slightly, but it feels good to team up with Roman. It doesn’t happen often.

“Is it obvious?” Roman asks, turning to Virgil. “I mean, he’s in his 30s. He might as well be 60.”

Virgil doesn’t want to think about that! Is time running out for Thomas? Is Thomas getting old? No surely not. 31 years old is still relatively young. He still has a lot of time left. Right?

“It was an accident,” Thomas insists and march off after shoving the ticket in his pocket.

Still, it seemed that both Roman and Virgil has managed to make him flustered enough about it. Thomas never even goes looking for the theater. He goes back to the ground floor and sneaks out of the cinema without being noticed by Paige.

Virgil is keyed up, so frankly he is happy that Thomas isn’t going to sit through a movie. It would give him too much time to think.

Instead, Thomas tries his luck at the clothing shop. He picks out another shirt after Roman pesters him that he needs a new shirt to film in. Satisfied Roman had a handle on Thomas, Virgil jumps back into Thomas’ head.

Until the alarm sounds as Thomas tried to exit the shop. It yanks Virgil right back out. He ends up among the shirts with Roman again.

“Oh gosh. Ah, I’m so, so sorry,” Thomas says, apologizing and raising his hands like he is about to be arrested right then and there.

“Dude, it’s okay. People do that like thirty times a day. Please relax,” the employee tells him and Virgil bristles a little again. Does none of these people realize that telling someone to relax isn’t the solution to everything?

“Blatantly stealing now, huh, grandpa?” Roman goads him on, clearly having latched onto the ‘Thomas is old’ joke.

Roman tends to fixate when he is feeling out of sorts, it is something Virgil can relate to.

“It was an accident!” Thomas hisses at Roman.

“Just like last time,” Virgil says, wondering if Thomas could pick up on what he means. He is not talking about the senior ticket. “How interesting.”

“He can’t think of new excuses quick enough at his old age,” Roman chimes in.

“Please stop,” Thomas says, voice desperate.

Virgil knows that the two of them only make Thomas feel bad right now but it is a spiral that is hard to break out of. Thomas sighs and decides to move on to something else. He doesn’t try to get more shopping down after that.

Virgil wonders if Thomas even knows that Virgil is just trying to warn him to stay on the straight and narrow.

While Thomas is wandering around, looking for something to catch his attention, he gets a call from an old friend. It makes Virgil feel a little better. Thomas’ friends always make him feel a little more centered. It is nice, until it is time to end the call and Virgil is freaking out.

“Okay, buddy, love you!” Thomas’ friend says cheerfully.

“Say it back!” Virgil snaps, instinctively.

“Yeah, love you too!” Thomas says, a little panicked but listening to Virgil all of the same. He hangs up and he is jittery again.

“You didn’t mean that,” Roman accuses.

It was something that Roman has been doing a lot lately. He doesn’t like Thomas lying. None of them really do but a white lie here or there had happened before. Only now all of them knew who was in charge of the lies and that listening to him just gave him more power.

Roman makes Virgil feel on edge about the whole thing. Had _he_ made Thomas lie? He hadn’t meant to do that. He tries to backpedal and he turns on just a bit of his intimidation.

“Now you’ve done it,” Virgil says. “Do you know what saying I love you means to them, Thomas?”

Love is something precious and while some people throws the word love around more carelessly, it still means a lot to some people. Thomas isn’t so reserved with saying he loves people, because he has love for a lot. Love for his family, his friend and his viewers. But maybe it means something to Thomas’ friend.

“Uh, no?” Thomas answers.

“Exactly. No. Those are some big words, Sanders,” Virgil reminds him and he wonders if maybe Thomas is a little too carelessly with them normally. “You shouldn’t use them lightly.”

Maybe it is the reason that he was letting more of his Sides come out. His heart is too big and it left him wide open and vulnerable. Patton has always been the most susceptible of all of them.

“You made me say that!” Thomas argues and points at Virgil.

“Stop playing with people’s hearts, Thomas!” Roman says, grabbing onto Thomas and shaking him slightly.

Virgil is glad of the distraction because he isn’t sure what he would have done if Thomas had dwelled further on the fact that it was Virgil’s push that he made him say the words.

Since Thomas had made more peace with Janus, it seemed like he found it easier to speak deceitfully. It continues as Thomas moved through the mall.

He walks past someone offering free samples of food. “Free samples?” they asks.

“Oh,” Thomas says, beat of hesitation. “I’m not hungry.”

“Liar,” Virgil barks, because he can feel Thomas’ hunger and he is definitely hungry. 

It happens again, when Thomas finally goes into his messages to reply to the text that he has been ignoring for a week.

“I’m sorry, I just saw this,” Thomas mutters under his breath as he types.

This time Roman beats Virgil to it.

“Liar,” Roman accuses.

It continues to happen. Again, with the samples, only this time perfume instead of food.

“Perfume sample?”

“Oh, I’m not, uh, stinky,” Thomas lies.

“Liar,” Virgil says.

Then when he said to the dog owner that he had never seen a more beautiful dog.

“Liar,” Roman says.

When Thomas pretends that he might actually buy one of the fancy massage armchairs so he can try it.

“Liar,” Virgil tells him.

In the bathroom when he is definitely kidding himself.

“Liar,” Roman shrieks.

Virgil is getting tired of this, of noticing how many lies Thomas seem to drop. It is easier not to notice normally, when he is inside of Thomas’ head or before Janus was such a defined Side. Now, Virgil just keeps seeing it over and over.

He wants Thomas to go home, but Thomas isn’t going to do that anytime soon. He is still at the mall and running around in circles trying to occupy himself. He is running away and Virgil doesn’t know how to stop him.

“Oh!” Roman says all of a sudden, as soon as the three of them have sat down at an empty table in the food court. “What lad is that, which doth enrich the math on yonder slate.”

“Huh?” Thomas says and Virgil is inclined to agree.

Roman lets out a huff that tells both Virgil and Thomas that he thinks them uncivilized but he modifies his language all the same.

“Cutie at 12 o’clock,” Roman says and forcibly turns Thomas’ face in the right direction.

“Oh… eh, yeah,” Thomas says, looking at the cute boy. Virgil feels his heartrate kick up considerably. “I’m not interested.”

“Liar,” Virgil and Roman say in unison.

“We don’t even know if he’s gay,” Thomas says but it sounds almost feebly.

“Ah, but you’re ignoring one key thing, Thomas,” Roman says, voice much more confident. “We don’t know if he’s not gay.”

Virgil wants to groan but he suppresses the urge.

“You have used that argument on me far too many times,” Thomas says, voice exhausted all of a sudden.

It makes Virgil wonder if they have been laying into him a little too hard. He doesn’t want Thomas to be sad and miserable, no matter how concerned he is for his current tendencies. He needs to do something. He focuses on the guy that had caught Roman’s, and by extension Thomas’ eye.

“He’s got some stickers on his laptop,” Virgil comments, trying to pull both Roman and Thomas away from their is-or-isn’t-he conversation. It is only going to make Virgil’s anxiety spike more.

“Pretty gay,” Roman says.

“No,” Virgil growls out, slightly annoyed and on edge. “I mean, that’s a classic introverted method of talking about yourself without having to do anything too extreme, like…” he hesitates for a beat, trying to come up with something else but really is was as simple as, “talking”.

“So…?” Roman asks, the thickheaded prince still not picking up what Virgil is otherwise neatly lying down in front of him.

“So… what does the stickers say?” Virgil explains and grabs hold of Thomas’ eyes and forces them to focus on the cute guy’s laptop.

Both Virgil and Roman gets to peek along with him. The first sticker they see is the drawing of Simba that Rafiki did in the movie. 

“A Disney fan, okay? I can see the love tonight,” Roman says enthusiastically.

They focus on the next one and it is a Riot! sticker from a Paramore album.

“Wh… Paramore?” Virgil says, much more skeptically but he can’t keep the hint of hopefulness out of his voice. This is promising.

“Ay!” Roman shouts in joy.

“Mm, ‘kay, for a pessimist I’m pretty optimistic,” Virgil cautiously admits.

When Thomas spots a third sticker, Virgil feels the hope shift into confusion.

“Is that… John Malkovich?” Thomas asks them in a whisper.

“Alright, moving on,” Roman says quickly, not letting himself be deterred. Sometimes, Virgil finds that ability annoying but he can’t deny that it had its positive uses at times.

It is the fourth sticker that gets both Virgil and Roman to gasp. They have a shared love of The Nightmare Before Christmas, so it is inevitable but still, Virgil feels his whole body buzz with excitement.

“Oh my god,” Virgil and Roman says in unison.

It is a sticker of Sally and Jack with _It’s Simply Meant To Be._ Now, Virgil isn’t sure he believes in signs like Roman does but he has to admit it is quite a convincing that Thomas and this cute guy might get along.

“No, yeah, he seems cool but…” Thomas says, seemingly still dejected and not absorbing any of the excitement that Virgil can feel vibrating off of Roman. It is really a feat if he can’t because Roman is shoving it out from his body in intense waves.

“Oh, come on, Thomas!” Thomas says, throwing his hands in the air in despair.

Virgil is for once inclined to agree with Roman on this one, even if he would never admit it out loud.

“You can live like Jack and Sally if you want,” Virgil says, more calmly than Roman had spoken but nudging Thomas all the same.

“But! We still don’t know if he’s gay,” Thomas insists and he makes Roman groan.

The three of them quiet down as they see a waitress walk up to the cutie with a plate.

“Here you go,” she says and sets it down on the table for him

“Thank you,” the cute guy says politely and before pulling his backpack up to stuff his laptop inside, so he has room for his food.

Virgil notices something interesting about the backpack though, just like when he had zeroed in on the stickers. It is part of Virgil to stay alert and observant and usually he uses it to detect potential dangers in the environment but frankly, he is happy to put his observation skills to a different use.

“Pins!” Virgil points out.

“And needles? I’m on them too,” Roman saays, completely missing the point.

“No, doofus,” Virgil says, shoving past Thomas to forcibly turn Roman’s head to look in the right place. “There are pins and buttons on his backpack.”

Virgil pulls his hand back slowly, it tingling a little at the contact. There is a reason most of the Sides usually don’t touch loads. It always feels just a little too intense.

“More clues!” Roman exclaims and claps excitedly. Virgil has half a mind to call him an overexcited toddler but both of them had promised to cool it with the insults. “Man, this introvert really likes talking about himself.”

“Ah, can’t see what they are though,” Thomas says, clearly trying to deter them. “Shoot.”

He really should have known that wouldn’t work with Roman. He doesn’t let a bone drop once he has picked it up. He just chomps down harder.

“Why, did you forget your spectacles back at the retirement home?” Roman teases. “Go get a closer look!”

“A) those jokes are old,” Thomas says, irritability bubbling in a way that makes Virgil feel just a little queasy.

“You would know,” Roman quips.

“B) I can’t just go up to him and start silently reading his pins and buttons like it’s an exhibit at an art museum,” Thomas argues and Virgil agrees with him on that. Just the mere mention of it has Virgil fighting shivers. He would make Thomas bolt before he could ever attempt something that reckless.

“Well, then just freaking go up to him. Tell him you like his buttons and ask him about them!” Roman suggests like it was that easy.

Virgil is once more reminded how different him and Roman sees things because that is absolutely not okay behavior in Virgil’s book.

“That’s completely disregarding the purpose of the sticker/button system,” Virgil argues waving his hand, now getting annoyed with Roman along with Thomas. “You see some buttons? You button it!”

“ERH! Pintroverts…” Roman complains and leaning back on his chair dramatically, and sinking even further down. “‘cause they talk using pins?”

It is not a good joke. Roman can do better when he is at his best. Virgil has a sinking feeling that Roman hasn’t been at his best for quite a while.

“Okay, look. I’ll get closer. I’m not going to talk to him but it will be close enough to sneak a peek,” Thomas suggests, probably also picking up on Roman’s despair.

“Okay… well, don’t say it like that,” Virgil argues, because he does not need Thomas to be a creep, but he can’t think of any other approach that could work, “but I guess that sounds like a plan.”

Thomas gets up and leaves the table and Roman instantly gives himself and Virgil microphones and headphones. He goes a little overboard, both with the mics on the headsets, the microphones in their hands and the extra standing mic he puts on the table, but Virgil supposes that extra is Roman’s middle name.

The creative Side is nothing if not dramatic but Virgil finds himself leaning into it. He rather likes being on the same side as Roman. They have been standing on opposites sites far too often and right now, Virgil isn’t still sure where he stands with Thomas. This comradery with Roman feels nice. 

“Alright, off to a bad start. Completely wrong direction,” Roman comments, and Virgil nods along. Thomas starts sneaking behind the pillars, moving from one to another. It does not look good. “Oh! Oh…”

“What?” Thomas hisses under his breath.

“Um…” Roman mutters and pulls a face. Virgil is sure he is wearing a matching one.

“What?” Thomas repeats.

“I don’t like this,” Virgil grumbles, feeling the anxiety rise with each step that Thomas takes. He grabs onto it hard and clenches down his teeth. 

“Yes, I hate to agree but this sucks,” Roman says.

“You told me to get a closer look,” Thomas hisses and looks over at his shoulder to the table he had vacated. He is the only one who can see Roman and Virgil and it probably doesn’t do him any favors to talk to himself in the middle of the food court like this.

“Now I’m telling you, you’re being a freak,” Roman says.

“Uh huh,” Virgil hums in agreement. “You’re being a creep.”

“Okay…” Thomas says with a sigh and starts to walk back to the table. He speeds up when he realizes that he has to pass by the cute boy’s table because he has been circling around him.

“You’re a weirdo,” Virgil tacks on, making sure Thomas would keep walking and Roman suddenly couldn’t get into his head and force Thomas to stop and make conversation.

“Right,” Thomas says through gridded teeth.

He marches on, until he is in line for Karrot King all of a sudden. Virgil and Roman are pulled from their seats to stand with Thomas instead.

“What the hell are we doing here?” Virgil asks, feeling like he is entirely too close to the cutie’s table.

“Great master plan, Thomas,” Roman berates. “Getting more food. Bloated and uncomfortable is a big look.”

Just the idea of Thomas having more food is making Virgil’s stomach turn. Thomas does not need to be physically uncomfortable on top of his anxiousness right now. 

“It’s more of a look than pretending to order food so that you can spy on a stranger,” Virgil says, weakly.

He doesn’t like how Thomas is so easily turning to lying and deception these days. While Virgil isn’t good at meeting things straight on either, he doesn’t like that most of Thomas’ solutions recently starts with how to cheat and deceive his way out of situations. 

“Good points, guys. I don’t want me to be doing this either,” Thomas says, and Virgil feels that guilt starts to build up again. He knows it was him and Roman pulling Thomas’ strings right now and maybe they are doing less than a stellar job. “And I will gladly sit back down now,” Thomas adds and makes to sit back down but both Virgil and Roman grabs him before he can make it very far.

“Bro, wait,” Virgil says and he hears his voice overlap with Roman. Once more they are in sync. It is happening a lot lately.

“Okay, if we’re going to do this,” Virgil says, already regretting his words slightly. Still, if Roman is insistent that this should be something they are doing, the least Virgil could do is make sure it goes as smoothly as possible. “You’ve got to time how long you’re looking, otherwise he’s going to start to think you’re looking to jack his backpack.”

“How long is too long?” Roman asks, and Virgil wants to call him an innocent lamb. He really has no idea about this stuff. It is weird to think that the other Sides doesn’t have all of this strict rules and codes almost written into their DNA. Logan does too maybe, but certainly Roman and Patton are different. Janus and Remus are a whole other category to their own that Virgil is half sure just operates and thrives on chaos.

“Six seconds,” Virgil says, decides not to tease Roman about not knowing.

“Done,” Roman says, confidently.

“You have five seconds max,” Virgil insists because he does not need for the cute guy to think that Thomas is an aspiring thief. He can only handle so much.

“What, I’m not Max!” Roman says, offended. “I’m Prince Ro-”

“Go!” Virgil just insists, not wanting to explain that it is just an expression and that he hadn’t actually been called Roman a wrong name. It is the kind of thing that Virgil would have expected of Logan and not Roman but perhaps they have all rubbed off on each other since they have started interacting outside of Thomas’ head more.

Roman takes over control of Thomas’ eyes and makes them scan over all the pins. To his credit, he is fast and Virgil feels almost dizzy trying to keep up but he does see a flash of rainbow for short moment and then a full second when Roman goes back to focus on that particular pin.

“No, no, no, gay, no, gay! He’s gay!” Roman chants as he goes over the pins at lightening speed.

“Look away!” Virgil urges him, feeling them running dangerously close to the five second limit.

Roman won’t stand still, jumping around with his fists in the air and just a huge ball of excitement. It still doesn’t seem to transfer to Thomas who spoke in a rather monotone voice.

“Great. He’s gay,” Thomas says, almost like he had hoped that they wouldn’t find anything.

“Great indeed…” Virgil echoes and he wondered if he is the reason that Thomas can’t feel Roman’s excitement. Maybe he is fucking everything up but just thinking of all the reasons this could go wrong, instead of thinking of the ways it could go right.

“Great indeed!” Roman says, not seeming to noticed that none of the others are as enthusiastic as him.

“Next customer!” the employee at the Karrot King stand shouts, startling Thomas out of his funk for a moment. He steps up to the counter.

“Oh, um, yes, I’ll have the,” Thomas says, frantically scanning the options but really not seeing any of them, “uh, boiled mayo carrots. Oh god!”

Thomas doesn’t manage to internalize that instant exclamation but the employee doesn’t seem fussed. They probably see crazy people like Thomas thirty times a day.

Thomas makes it back to his table only to rest his forehead against the table. He is hiding, both physically and mentally. Virgil can feel how Thomas is trying to keep both him and Roman in check but he is doing a poor job of it. He is too unstable to properly control them. Virgil’s worry keeps growing.

“So hooray! Who’s gay? That guy!” Roman says, seemingly oblivious to Thomas’ internal struggle, or maybe he is just blinded by his own desires. “What now?”

“The only logical next step,” Virgil says and, in that moment, he wishes that Logan was the one here instead of him. Logan wouldn’t be able to so much to help with the flirting, since they all knew he was terrible at it but he could probably have acted as a better voice of reason. However, Virgil doesn’t work like that and he voices the desire sitting in the pit of his stomach instead. “Go home and regret everything.”

He knows Roman would never accept that option but he feels like he should present it all the same. Thomas looks like he wants nothing more than to be gone and the fact he is still in the food court is probably entirely due to Roman’s hold on him.

“Hmm, how about I just regret asking that question,” Roman says, but his tone isn’t condescending. It is light and teasing. “You know what happens now! You talk to him!”

He says it like it is the next logical step and Virgil wonders if Roman does have inherent rules of conduct too, only that they are so drastically different from Virgil’s own.

“No, man!” Virgil protests all the same, because he cannot stomach the idea of just going up and talking to the cute guy. It is too direct and too many things could go wrong. It is just a disaster waiting to happen.

“Ah, it’s Roman! With an R,” Roman says, even going as far as making an R appear over his hand. Virgil bristles a little. “Ah, you’re really struggling today.”

“Okay, I’m not an expert on a lot of things,” Virgil admits, once more ignoring Roman’s obtuseness, “but when it comes to anti-social etiquette, I’m like a triple expert. An XXX-expert.”

“Easy, tiger,” Roman says teasingly.

“Are there any other nonverbal methods we could try?” Virgil asks, growing desperate.

“Gay eyes?” Roman suggests.

“Gay eyes,” Thomas nods in confirmation.

“Alright,” Virgil says, happy that they aren’t out of indirect options, only… “what are gay eyes?”

“Ah, oh!” Roman says, almost cooing over Virgil. “How cute.”

Virgil wants to growl and snap at him, but mostly because Roman’s comment makes him feel like he might start blushing. Thomas takes pity on him.

“It’s sort of how gay people silently communicate interest in one another in public spaces,” Thomas explains.

“Yeah! It’s sort of like…” Roman says and then does a lot of subtle noises and blinking and making his eyes kind of wide.

“And this works?” Virgil asks, a bit skeptically. As part of Thomas, he is just as gay as any of the Sides or Thomas himself but he isn’t sure what he was supposed to get out of Roman’s bizarre display.

Roman laughs heartedly and then pauses abruptly, “most of the time… no.”

“No, it does not. Not for me at least,” Thomas says, almost a little regretfully.

Virgil doesn’t like to think too much about Thomas’ dating life, or lack thereof. He knows he is a big part in why Thomas is so hesitant to approach someone. Every time Roman acknowledges a cute guy, Virgil kind of goes into panic mode. He is doing the same now, but he is at least trying to get better.

“Well, if it’s the only nonverbal we’ve got left,” Virgil says, even if he doesn’t think it had any high chances of working. “Fine.”

Roman and Virgil pull back a little to allow Thomas to look longingly in the cutie’s direction. However as soon as the cute guy actually looked up to see Thomas looking in his direction, Virgil felt that he isn’t the only one panicking. The guy looks at Thomas with confusion and then glancing over his own shoulder to see what Thomas was looking at.

“Disaster!” Virgil hisses.

“Go along with it!” Roman encourages.

“Pretend you were looking at something else!” Virgil insists harder.

What followed was a string of noises Virgil is pretty sure he hasn’t heard any human make ever when they are just casually looking around. Thankfully, the cutie doesn’t seem to look away from them once more but Virgil is pretty sure it doesn’t have anything to do with Thomas’ acting.

For someone who wants to be an actor, he is not doing a great job right now.

“What the hell was that?” Roman asks exasperated.

“Don’t look at me!” Thomas says.

“No do look at yourself, Thomas,” Virgil says, feeling his old conspiracy theory side creep up again, “because that was a test and you _failed_.”

“You were testing me?” Thomas asks, gutted and Virgil feels his heart clench a little. No, he doesn’t want Thomas to think Virgil would do that to him.

“No, no. No, I wasn’t testing you. I was just panicking,” he says in his normal voice, before shifting his voice just slightly, not quite dipping into his demonic voice but getting within range of it. “No, the universe tested you and you chose to be a liar.”

He hats this. All the time recently when Thomas is presented with an opportunity, it too often ends with him turning to lies to solve his problems. It is becoming a pattern and one Virgil is far from fond of.

“It’s because of the nonverbal non-approach,” Roman says. “It’s like the old saying goes: if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s because you’re a dirty liar. Go say some nice things to him, Thomas.”

It is not the saying at all but at least Roman is trying. Virgil can’t fault him for that.

“I say we put the ball in his court,” Virgil suggests instead. He still doesn’t like the idea of walking up and just… talking. He knows he is making jump upon jump to avoid it but he just can’t stomach subjecting Thomas to the pure nerves of having to go up to a guy like that.

“Oh, you’re killing me, Virgil,” Roman complains, “but he does seem to like that kind of thing. He did have a basketball pin on his backpack. That’s got to mean something.”

“That he likes basketball,” Thomas says deadpan and Virgil is inclined to agree with him. The pins and stickers are definitely a way of talking but Virgil is pretty sure that it doesn’t extend to general metaphors.

“Let’s give him the chance to come and talk to us,” Virgil says.

“Fine,” Roman agrees, even if he doesn’t sound very happy. “Thomas?”

On cue, Thomas starts to stand up and pretend like he is gathering his things.

“Well, it’s getting pretty late,” he says and stretches. “I should probably be heading out pretty soon,” he adds and looks in the cute guy’s direction. Still no reaction. “Yep. Look at the time. That’s my-leaving time,” Thomas tries again but when he still gets no reaction, he just puts his ass back in his seat. “I guess I can stay a little longer. Oh my gosh.”

“Okay, that’s it,” Roman says sternly.

“No-” Virgil starts to protest but Roman cuts him off.

“No, you know I hate to rain on your black parade, Gerard Gay,” Roman says and Virgil lets out a growl, but mostly because he wants to admit that might be Roman’s best nickname yet, “but the only thing left to do is talk to the guy.”

Roman grabs hold of Thomas, dragging him halfway out of his chair.

“This guy’s weird anyway. Who hangs out at the mall by themselves for this long?” Virgil argues and grabs hold of Thomas and pushes him back into his seat.

“Thomas, apparently. You call it weird,” Roman says and pulls Thomas back up. “I call it destiny.”

“Roman, I know you like pulling on Thomas’ heartstrings,” Virgil says and clutching onto Thomas’ elbow, “but if you keep pulling the strigs. The heart’s going to break.”

Virgil manages to put Thomas back in his seat. He isn’t sure how he can convey this any better to Roman. Thomas’ heart has almost broken, several times already, and Patton is in such a fragile state right now that Virgil really isn’t sure if this was a good idea.

Usually, it would have been Roman and Patton who paired up here and the two of them would manage to somewhat reassure Virgil, but Patton hasn’t shown his face once and he has just buried himself inside of Thomas’ head.

“Virgil, I know you like putting people down but right now Thomas needs to rise to the occasion,” Roman says and yanks Thomas back up.

“You’re making a mistake,” Virgil insists, holding onto Thomas tightly. Roman could tug and pull all he wanted but Virgil has too much experience controlling Thomas in this regard. He can make him flee and he can make him fight. Roman really has no chance unless he manages to catch Virgil off guard.

“If I am, I’ll add it to the list!” Roman says and he does just that.

Virgil lets go of control because he is momentarily floored. There is so much barely concealed pain in Roman’s voice. Virgil had not expected it. Roman likes to hide his emotions and push them down and away.

Now, they are fired up. They are big and angry and it is enough to stun Virgil for a moment. The guilt overtakes Thomas’ whole being and it is so huge and all-encompassing that it serves to choke Virgil.

Virgil’s momentary lapse in control is the only reason that Roman manages to wrestle Thomas away from him and push him forward. The push comes fast and Virgil is still too slow. He didn’t know that everything that has happened lately has been messing with Roman to this extent. It feels like the world has tilted on its axis for just a moment.

However, he forces himself to snap out of it. Roman has already pushed Thomas and he is heading straight for the boy. This cannot happen. It will send Virgil into a panic attack, or at least dangerously close to one, and he cannot do that to Thomas, least of all in a public place like this.

He rushes forward and manages to change Thomas’ course, sending him off the to edge of the food court instead. Roman sends Virgil a glare for just a split second before he is sliding up to Thomas.

“What are you doing?” he asks, when Thomas gently rubs his hands over the leaves.

Virgil doesn’t say that this is a coping mechanism in several ways. Avoiding the thing that scares him but also grounding himself with touch. Roman wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t understand. Virgil isn’t even sure that he understands fully.

“I don’t know? Plants?” Thomas says, sounding just as clueless as Virgil thought he would.

“Stop being fake with the plastic plants,” Roman says, pushing the plants away from him and instead shoving Thomas, “and start being real with him.”

But it’s still all wrong because Thomas is lowkey freaking out. He’s sweating and his steps are uneasy and Virgil cannot let this happen. Just the thought of standing by and not interfering is putting a ball of dread in his stomach.

“No,” he mutters under his breath and pushes Thomas once more.

It doesn’t exactly go like planned when he accidentally sends Thomas up to another guy. Virgil freezes in terror.

“Hello?” the guy says, clearly confused as to why a stranger would stroll up to him.

Virgil is barely managing to keep Thomas from being flooded with anxiety. He can’t help figure out how to get Thomas out of this one and Roman also watches on with nervous trepidation. This one is up to Thomas himself it seems.

“Play along,” Thomas stage-whispers, and a jolt feels like it goes up Virgil’s spine. He wants to shout at Thomas not to handle it like this. It’s feeding into the wrong side. “Oh hey, buddy! That’s you. You’re my buddy. Top of the morning to ya. I- ignore that part,” Thomas stumbles through his words and Virgil is trying so much to keep him from breaking down in the middle of the food court. “Fancy running into you here like this, my friend from kindergarten. How are you doing? How’s the wife?”

Roman facepalms next to Virgil and honestly Virgil would do the same if he wasn’t this close to internally combusting from all the awkwardness. It’s driving him up the wall. Why is Thomas like this? Why did he think this would be the best course? Why is he always turning to this kind of course lately?

“But I’ve never seen you?” the stranger says, confusion morphing into annoyance. Understandably.

“Yeah, I-I know,” Thomas says, “that’s why I said play along.”

Virgil would question the mental sanity of a person who would be willing to play along with this. He is certainly questioning Thomas’ sanity right now.

“Okay, you’re being rude. I’m leaving,” the stranger says and then promptly turns around and walks away at a swift pace like he can’t wait to put distance between him and Thomas. Again, Virgil cannot blame him.

“Okay… good to see you!” Thomas calls out, still clinging onto his stupid lie. All the pretend.

“Stop talking to me!” the stranger hollers back.

Thomas laughs but it’s empty and embarrassed. “Oh you.”

Roman and Virgil finally poke their head out from behind the pillars. It’s scary to been too close to people who are talking to Thomas while they are outside of his body like this. The camera can catch them after all.

“Virgil, enough is enough!” Roman says and turns to Virgil. “You must let this happen.”

Roman’s tone is pleading and Virgil knows that Roman hates to beg. At least in earnest. He’ll fake beg with a big dramatic pout to get what he wants but asking for help in anyway is always something that he had seen as a weakness. It takes a lot for him to ask Virgil like this.

It hurts Virgil’s heart a little, and he lets out a heavy sigh. He can’t promise that he can keep himself in check but he can try harder than he has been doing.

“Whatever,” Virgil says to show his displeasure but he still knows that Roman will read it as the reluctant acceptance that it is meant to be. He is not sure that this is the right choice at all but he will try to let Roman steer.

He just hopes that it doesn’t end in a car crash.

Thomas starts the approach and Virgil feels the jittery nerves all over again. So many things can go wrong. Thomas didn’t even look in a mirror. What if he doesn’t look good right now? Virgil and Roman can’t judge that properly for him.

“Check your hair,” Roman request as Thomas walks. They are in sync about appearance worries at least.

“Looks fine,” Thomas says holding up his phone on selfie mode.

“Anything in your teeth?” Virgil asks.

“Nope,” Thomas says, taking his phone back up.

“Your schnauze? Search for treasure for good measure,” Roman says.

“All clear,” Thomas confirms after lifting up his phone a third time.

Virgil really hopes that no one is watching them right now. Thomas would look weird walking through the food court just staring at bits of his face and head in his phone. Still…

“Check for styes,” Virgil says, even if it might be unnecessary. You can never be too careful.

“Styes?” Thomas asks, a little baffled.

“Just do it!” Virgil exclaims not in a place to be questioned when he is worked up like this. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Thomas goes to look at his eyes in phone and then disaster does strike. It was not the kind of disaster that Virgil had been anticipating but it was a disaster all the same.

“Oh, jeez!” Thomas exclaims as he walks right into a big trash can.

Virgil’s control slips without his permission and he sends Thomas’ heart racing.

“Abort! Abort!” he shouts in Thomas’ head, drowning out everything else.

“Great going, Captain Blunderpants,” Roman chides, and he’s affected by Virgil’s raised panic too. “Quick! Hide so he doesn’t see you in all your shame!”

However, the only available hiding place is inside of the filthy trash can. Virgil can’t even protest, him and Roman as just dragged in with him. Virgil knows that they are about as invisible as an ostrich that sticks its head into the sand but for now this hiding spot will do.

Thomas’ heart is still beating entirely too fast.

“I knew this was a bad idea,” Virgil mumbles, voice sounding just as tired as he feels.

Even so, he is the one who urges Thomas to crawl out less than a minute later. He isn’t sure that there is even a proper time frame for how long it is acceptable to hide in a trash can, but he would still guess that two minutes is too long.

Thankfully, no one seems to spot them, most importantly not the cute boy. As soon as they are behind the bathroom door, Virgil feels like he can breathe a little easier. Thomas just looks more unsettled.

Roman takes control of Thomas’ hands and puts himself in charge of pulling the trash out of Thomas’ hair. Even if it just lasted a minute, Thomas has already managed to get all sort of things all over him.

It’s quite a good representation of how Virgil feels right now.

He jumps up on the bathroom counter and that feels a little better. He did always like to sit on surfaces not meant to be sat on. There is something about it that center and calms him just a little. He wiggles his legs and try to confront the elephant in the room.

Thomas was responsible for this mess himself, but Virgil hadn’t exactly been helping out.

“Okay, I think I get why I’ve been so unwilling to let Thomas approach,” Virgil says as Roman pulls a candy wrapper from Thomas’ hair.

“You were being a baby about the buttons and the pins had you panicking,” Roman says, in a deadpan voice. He tosses the trash on the floor behind him. He should be collecting that to take it back to the trash where it belongs but Virgil has bigger fish to fry.

Even if he is also frying himself.

“Uh… I guess?” Virgil admits a little and it’s hard. He tries to panic less these days but it doesn’t always work. “But also, we didn’t have a game plan. If you go in cold turkey, you might chicken out.”

“Birdbrain is right!” Roman exclaims, very loudly.

It really is a testament to how much time Virgil has spent around him that he doesn’t flinch in the same way that he used to.

“Wow, easy, Roman,” Thomas is quick to say, chastising Roman.

It warms Virgil’s heart in a way he hadn’t expecting. Ever since the reveal of Virgil’s past, things haven’t been good between him and Thomas. Even so, Thomas is lightening quick to defend Virgil against what he clocked to be a mean nickname, like he had done before.

It just a little taste of how things used to be and it makes Virgil feel weird. A little hopeful but mostly sad that he only gets glimpses now. And while the defense is nice, Virgil did not need it here. Roman is still fond of calling him nicknames but they haven’t been mean for a while. They’re creative and a little on the nose but they are never said with malice. Not anymore.

“What? He’s got birds on the brain,” Roman says, confirming that it isn’t meant in a mean way. He even stays within the bird theme. “You don’t want to wing it, Virge?” Roman asks with a wink that might have charmed most of the other Sides. Virgil is used to resisting. “Let’s drum up something to say.”

“Oh, oh! The pins!” Thomas says like an epiphany. “What did we look at them for anyway if not to figure out the perfect icebreaker?”

Thomas is getting very excited but he is on the wrong path.

“Um, no,” Roman says before Virgil even gets a word out about it.

“No, Thomas, you can’t use info that you snooped for,” Virgil elaborates. “That’s like cyberstalking… but real life.”

“So… stalking?” Roman asks, clearly making fun of Virgil.

“Oh, you’re right!” Virgil exclaims and he might usually feel stupid but honestly, it’s Thomas’ fault that Virgil is so attuned to the internet and being online rather than the real world. Thomas has built his career online and he spends most of his waking hours on it.

“Thomas,” Roman says with a sigh, “you’re going to have to try… speaking from the heart.”

It’s not a jab from Roman, just an unfortunate phrasing. Still, Virgil can’t help but hurt just a little. Patton isn’t here. He’s hidden away and healing, and still too much out of sorts. He would usually love to join Roman in looking at cute boys with Roman but he didn’t show up.

Instead, Virgil showed up more than he usually does. He is unfortunately always involved in Thomas’ flirting attempts, trying to keep him safe and keep him from embarrassing himself, or to stop Roman from going too far. But he’s never been this present before.

Maybe he’s also trying to prove something to Thomas. Virgil just hopes that Patton can still be called forth, even if it has to be inside of Thomas’ head. He’s a sentimental dude and he’s been overloaded a lot recently but there is quite no one that can speak from Thomas’ heart like he can.

Thomas takes a deep breath and looks himself in the mirror.

“Look, I-I know this is awkward and maybe not the best place to strike up a conversation. I don’t really know what to say to you. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing at the mall today. I don’t know what I was looking for,” Thomas says and this is a familiar scene. Talking to himself in the mirror is often how he has figured out how something fits together.

“I guess that answers my question,” Thomas continues, a little wobbly in his voice. “The mall is where you go if you want something but you don’t know what it is because the mall has everything. Right?”

When he asks that, Virgil catches Roman looking at his reflection. He can’t see the reflection and only Roman’s profile from where he’s sat on the other side of Thomas. There is something haunted in Roman’s eye all the same. He looks tired. Worn down.

“I don’t know. Uh, I don’t know a lot about anything, least of all myself,” Thomas continues and that one hits Virgil like an arrow. He tenses his shoulders and squares his jaw. “And I feel that the hardest when it comes to knowing what I want,” Thomas says and Roman is not able to look at his reflection anymore, eyes downcast.

Virgil doesn’t blame him. He would never be brave enough and turn around to face himself. Maybe speaking from the heart wasn’t such a good idea. Thomas’ heart is very heavy these days in more ways than one. 

“But I know that… I want to take a chance and talk to you,” Thomas says and with that confession, it feels like something lightens and everything becomes a little easier. “I have to because I don’t know when I’m going to know what I want again. And I know that if I don’t act on these feelings right now, I’m going to regret it,” Thomas continues and Virgil finally glances over at him. This is his fault. He is the only thing holding Thomas back then. He vowed to protect him but what if he is just making everything worse again? “I saw you across the food court and you were so… radiant. I saw you and I just knew,” Thomas finishes and the loving feeling seems to swell in his chest.

Virgil kind of wants to cry, and he never actively wants to cry. It’s usually something that sneaks up on him, hot and angry and he has to fight to keep everything at bay.

All of these emotions from all of them is shattered when one of the toilets behind them suddenly opens and a man stumbles out with toilet paper in hand. Virgil wants to disappear even if he knows that the stranger cannot see him.

“No one’s ever said something like that to me before,” the strange man says, slightly teary-eyed.

Virgil feels so bad. For Thomas, for himself and for this stranger.

Thomas is on his own in this decision again and Virgil wants to be pleasantly surprised. He wants Thomas to diverge from how he had been approaching his problems lately but he doesn’t have high hopes. 

“I… I am so sorry,” Thomas says and here comes the lies once more. “I was just, uh, running lines in the mirror. I’m an actor, I was just practicing for a scene.”

“Oh…” the stranger says and he sounds a little heartbroken.

“Did he not flush?” Roman asks.

“Did you not flush?” Thomas repeats, asking the stranger.

“I didn’t want to ruin the moment,” the guy confesses a little shyly.

“Ah… sorry for the confusion,” Thomas says and starts heading out of the bathroom.

Virgil has already bailed and jumped through the wall. He can only handle so much secondhand embarrassment. And maybe he did want to ambush Thomas too. He feels disappointed in him, even if he isn’t sure that he has any right to feel like this.

He leans against the wall as Thomas comes out with Roman in tow.

“You did it again,” Virgil says, tightness back in his chest. He isn’t in Thomas’ good graces right now; things are still weird but he knows that none of the others will tell him this. He needs to hear it so desperately.

Virgil really hates being the bad guy but he will do it for Thomas. If it helps Thomas stay on the right path, he can play the villain again.

“Yeah…? I’ve got to stop wooing strangers in bathrooms,” Thomas says, completely missing the point. It doesn’t seem like it is on purpose but Virgil wouldn’t put it past him.

“You know what I meant,” Virgil says and he tries to make his voice stern. In some ways it was easier to talk sense like this into Thomas back when he was still scared of him. Now he doesn’t know how to be stern and gentle at the same time. “The rehearsing in the bathroom,” he starts to list, pushing off the wall and stepping closer to Thomas. “The old friend in the food court. The plant. The pretending. The hiding. The godforsaken boiled carrots.”

Thomas makes a sound of disgust and shivers. It goes all the way though him. Virgil clenches his jaw and stops himself from shivering too. He can feel Roman’s eyes on the back of his neck, Roman’s concern with Virgil speaking about this but no one else will.

“The lies…” Virgil says, voice defeated.

Thomas had known it was coming from the moment Virgil started listing off the instances but he still doesn’t look prepared for the accusation. Virgil hates making it. He hates it so much.

“I, so, _so_ badly want this. I’m desperate for it,” Roman confesses and it’s a vulnerability that Roman doesn’t normally shares, “but you can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t based on truth.”

It is still a strange feeling to be allies with Roman but Virgil likes it. He likes that they are united against Janus like this, even if he hates that Janus had to hurt Roman so much first. It is what he does. Whether he means to do it or not isn’t something that Virgil cares about.

He just sees the hurt and chaos that he leaves behind him.

“If this is the foot we start out on, what’s it going to be like down the road?” Virgil questions, voice turning softer but still insistent. “Will Deceit continue to all of your problems? Is that fair to him?”

Virgil cannot feel the giddiness at seeing a cute boy in the same way that Roman does but he can feel it inside of Thomas. Thomas hasn’t even spoken to the guy yet and he already likes him. Every bit of information that they snooped for so far has only made Thomas more likely to like this guy.

It could be something new. Something important, but Virgil cannot let them start out like this. If he does, they will crash and burn. It’s not fair to the cute guy and it is not fair to Thomas. Deceit should never have a seat at the table in a healthy relationship. Virgil is choosing his words with care as well. Thomas knows Janus’ name now but he doesn’t want Janus to be allowed to be a full-fledged Side, and Thomas is the only one who can give him that power.

It better for all of them if he thinks of Janus mostly as the trait of deceit. Virgil pushes away the slight guilt that rises as he can’t help but feel how hurt he would be if Thomas only thought of him as his anxiety. It’s different. Isn’t it?

Thomas lets out a deep sigh and somehow that hurts more than the shiver. It’s a sigh of decision but a decision that one makes with a heavy heart. Virgil is all too familiar with sighs like that.

“No,” Thomas says. “No, he’s better off without me.”

Virgil feels rooted in place as Thomas walks off. The urge to cry comes back again. This is not fair. Thomas is… maybe he isn’t the ultimately good person that Virgil always thought he was, but he is a person who is trying his best.

The more Thomas is uncovering about himself, the more he seems to come out of balance. Virgil thought that knowing more about himself would mean that he worked better, not worse. That is what they are all trying to do when they jump out of his head. If he allowed himself to think it, maybe even Janus and Remus. He might be giving them too much credit but if he didn’t admit this, he could also be giving them too little.

Virgil really wishes that he had all the answers. He wishes that he knew how all of this would play out so he could make the best decisions. He feels like he’s stumbling with his eyes closed and tripping over every piece of furniture.

Thomas is back in the food court when a voice calls out. 

“Oh! Hey, hey!” the cute boy says and comes to a stop in front of Thomas. ”Phew. There you are. I was afraid you’d left.”

Of all the things to happen, Virgil had not seen this plot twist. Him and Roman are stumbling out of the hallway to the bathroom, coming up to stand behind Thomas.

“AH! What?” Virgil exclaims. This surely cannot be real life. This is some fairytale shit.

“He was afraid you left?” Roman asks and he sounds trapped between excited and confused.

“He fears things too?” Virgil says, mouth running off with him. He wonders if this boy would have an equivalent of Virgil in his head. It is unlikely since Thomas’ ability is somewhat unique in being able to pull aspects of his personality out of his head and allow them to develop personality but still. Maybe this boy would be able to understand.

Oh, to be understood and seen. It would usually terrify Virgil but now there was a chance for it to mean something good too. It wasn’t just being exposed for your weaknesses.

“You almost forgot your food,” the cute guy said and extended the goddamn Karrot King bag with the godforsaken boiled carrots. Virgil would be laughing if he wasn’t so busy freaking out.

Roman is likewise freaking out. It does never work well. They are both shouting and voices overlapping. Virgil can barely hear himself or Roman in this chaos.

“Tell him to call you sometime-”

“What you can’t just-”

“What’s his number?”

“You can’t just tell someone to call you!”

“Textbook cutie pie.”

“We text each other nowadays.”

“Oh my gosh, I cannot breathe right now.”

“I cannot believe you right now.”

“… you mind kind of telling me about that?” the guy asks and it’s too late when both Roman and Virgil switch out of their bickering. Way too late because there was a start to that sentence and Thomas has definitely not heard with two Sides just shouting in his ear and freaking out.

“Huh?” Virgil and Roman says, now in surprising sync. They could have used that before.

“What did he say?” Virgil asks, panic building because Thomas needs to answer this fast and the cute guy is looking expectantly.

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” Roman says and he sounds just as panicky.

“Okay. That’s okay,” Virgil says but he’s lying to himself, “except it’s super not. I’m freaking out!”

Virgil pulls his hood up over his head, clutching onto it like a lifeline. Roman, bless him, does his best to help.

“I think I saw a lot of wide vowels,” he says, and it’s the most ridiculous thing that Virgil has ever heard but he is too panicky to care.

“Nevada?” he guesses.

“More than that!”

“Anaconda?” Virgil tries again.

“Anaconda!” Roman exclaims like that could ever be the answer in any scenario. “Thomas, he’s a Nicki Minaj fan.”

Virgil barely retrains himself from hitting Roman over the back of the head. He is just trying to help. They’re both being idiots. Thomas is being an idiot and he still has not answered. He’s just stood there staring helplessly while his Sides shout and argue.

“Eh, it’s okay,” the guy says and holds out the bag. “It’s probably a bit too nosy for me to ask anyway.”

Virgil wants to disappear. He wants to take Thomas and make him disappear. Why didn’t Thomas get teleportation skills instead? Maybe that would have saved him.

“Uh, yeah. Super nosy. What’s wrong with you, man?” Thomas asks, every word coming out tenser than the last and followed by a nervous laughter.

Thomas is falling apart and Virgil knows that his heart is racing way too fast. The crash is coming if they can’t stop it. He facepalms. It’s a poor substitute to hiding but it will have to do.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Have a good night,” the cute guy says with a wave before he’s walking away.

Seeing him and his backpack with all the pins makes something clutch in Virgil’s chest. It isn’t like him. He doesn’t mourn opportunities like this. It’s more his department to make Thomas go over interactions again and again, but not until he has a bit more distance.

Looking over at Roman, he finds him leaking all sorts of emotions. It’s rubbing off on Virgil. The sadness, the hopelessness, the loss of a chance for happiness.

Roman groans and it sounds almost painful.

“Well, there he goes. One more chance at happiness. Squandered,” Roman says and he sounds so defeated. He lets out a sigh and it’s the same kind of sigh that Thomas did before. “It’s probably for the best.”

Virgil has never heard Roman’s booming voice sound so small. So defeated. He has resigned himself, and Thomas, to this fate. He isn’t fighting at all and it isn’t like Roman to give up like this. He doesn’t know the meaning of quitting, or rather he didn’t before Janus messed with his head.

This is all Virgil’s fault. He’s the one messing things up this time around. He has let his fear stop Thomas from pursuing his potential happiness. He looks at Thomas wearing the same defeated expression and then back at Roman. They are supposed to be a team. Virgil felt like he never really learned how to be a team player but maybe he should just start trying.

He isn’t sure that this will be the right choice but it is something that Roman so desperately wants, so Virgil has to try. Roman only wants what is best for Thomas too and he has been making so many sacrifices lately, even if he has also been making mistakes.

This might be a mistake but isn’t it better to do something? He has to try.

He pushes down the building anxiety and he pushes Thomas forward with enough force that he cannot turn back.

He skids all the way over to the boy. 

“Uh?” Thomas whines when he comes to a stop right behind the boy.

“Hey,” the guy says, turning around to look at Thomas. He looks slightly confused which was to be expected after Thomas’ weird answer from less than a minute ago.

This still feels like a mistake. What was Virgil thinking? Thomas is just going to lie again. It’s all a bad idea. Bad idea. Bad i-

“Hey… do you want this food?” Thomas asks and that throws Virgil for a loop. Thomas continues. “I don’t.”

“Then why’d you buy it?” the cute guy asks with a chuckle.

“Oh, uh, it’s probably, you know,” Thomas says and Virgil tenses. Lies or the truth. Thomas ignited a hope within him. “Maybe, because I was trying to see your backpack,” Thomas finishes truthfully.

“Err, wh… my backpack?” the guy asks and he sounds a little on edge.

This whole interaction is hell for Virgil who was already a wreck before but a quick glance at Roman makes him feel better. Roman is watching them practically with hearts in his eyes. Thomas is taking to the guy and he isn’t lying. It settles Virgil just a little.

Maybe all the lies lately meant that Virgil didn’t trust Thomas as much as he should have. He has always been capable of change, for the worse but most certainly also for the better.

“Yeah, I wanted to see if you had any pride pins on your backpack but I didn’t feel comfortable asking because you seemed kind of preoccupied and I didn’t want to bother you,” Thomas says and he’s picking up speed, practically ranting but Virgil doesn’t even care about Thomas’ racing heart because he’s speaking from it. He’s still telling the truth. “But if you did have one, which I saw that you do – I’m sorry if that’s creepy – then it might have meant that bothering you was… worth it? Because it might have meant that I had a chance with you, which would have been amazing because I think you’re really cute.”

“Oh my gosh,” the guy says and Virgil braces himself for being Thomas being called a whole slew of names. “You should have just said hi.”

He had not seen that one coming. Roman was right all along? Virgil will never live it down.

“Oh yeah?” Thomas asks, nervous but hopeful.

“Yeah, I had writer’s block anyway.”

“Oh, well, what were you trying to write, Mr. …?” Thomas asks, not a subtle way for asking for the cute guy’s name.

“Uh, Mr. Flores,” he answers and takes Thomas’ offered hand. “Very formal of you. Uh, you can call me Nico if you’d like.”

“Mr. Sanders,” Thomas answers, a little nervous but getting better by the moment, “but you can call me Thomas.”

“To answer your question, I was attempting to write a song,” Nico says and walks back over to his table and gestures for Thomas to sit down.

Roman is practically vibrating with joy next to Virgil. Virgil can’t help but watch if the supposedly calm waters hide monsters down deep and this is all about to go south.

“Oh? I like songs! What’s yours about?” Thomas asks.

“Uh, I don’t know yet. I think I like the idea of someone’s life, or an aspect of their life, feeling like a trash bin. And the waste keeps piling and piling up until it inevitably _spills_ out into the rest of their life.”

It’s a good metaphor for Thomas’ life, Virgil thinks quietly to himself. Everything has been piling and piling. It’s already starting to spill over a bit. Is there an inevitable complete crash around the corner?

“You saw me knock over that trash can, didn’t you?” Thomas asks embarrassed. Virgil quite like this development of confessing even to his embarrassing moments, even if the embarrassment shoots through Virgil unpleasantly. It’s still better than lies.

“That was you?!” Nico asks, excited rather than disgusted which is probably good going.

“Oh, gosh, yes. Dang it,” Thomas says, grimacing.

“Are you okay?” Nico asks, kindly, even if he’s still grinning at Thomas.

“Nothing but a bruised ego,” Thomas says and Roman lets out a slightly offended noise.

It’s all too true really. Roman is battered and bruised lately, in more than one way. He’s taken quite a few beatings lately.

“Sorry if my song explanation, uh, hit a little too close to home,” Nico says and now he is the one who sounds slightly embarrassed. Maybe they will be a good match after all.

“No, it’s fine. It’s true. I do tend to waste a lot of opportunities in my life,” Thomas says and Virgil feels the shame wash over him.

That’s his doing again. He is always the one with one foot on the break even if every other Side tries to push down on the accelerator. They are no match for him when he wants to push down on the break. He is the representation of fight or flight and none of them can take him if he feels strongly enough to fight properly. 

“Well, let’s not waste this one,” Nico says and holds up the bag of carrots.

“Shut up!” Roman exclaims, practically radiating hearts around him.

“Shut up…?” Virgil says more of disbelief. How? How is this possible? It doesn’t feel real.

“Shut up!” Roman says again, this time more directed at Virgil. He’s asking him to keep his mouth shut and not ruin this moment.

Thomas and Nico fall in to pleasant and easy conversation. Thomas is still nervous but the conversation is going well. They have a lot in common. It had been forever since Thomas has clicked with someone like this and Virgil notes that he stays clear of lying, even white lies. He continues to respond with truths, even when they are embarrassing.

Virgil and Roman stay put for a while, knowing that now Thomas is distracted by a real person that they should be pulling back. Not yet though, it seems, because they both linger. Virgil just keeps watching Thomas and Nico, nervous smiles and giddy chuckles exchanged along with words.

“Thank you.”

Roman’s words catch him off guard.

“Uh,” Virgil grunts, unsure. Has Roman ever thanked him before? For anything? “You’re welcome, I guess?” he says and he figures he should probably take a page out of Thomas’ book right now, and respond with honesty. “In all honesty, I really don’t know what that was.”

Roman lets out a huff, but it’s kind. Gentle. He puts his hand on Virgil’s shoulder, Virge cannot help freaking out a little. Normally they keep their physical distance from each other when they are out of Thomas’ head. It always feels very fuzzy whenever they interact, like they’re overlapping.

This touch, however, feels like something different. It doesn’t feel overwhelming in the same way that it usually does. It feels comforting instead.

“Bravery,” Roman tells Virgil.

He balks a little. That can’t be right. He’s not the brave one. Roman is, which is why him telling Virgil that he exhibited bravery is even weirder. Virgil tries to protest.

“Wh- no? I…”

“Shut up, emo,” Roman says and his voice is gentle, almost fond.

Roman has called him every nickname under the sun and he will probably continue to do so but this one hits home in a different way. It’s a lot to take in all at once. Virgil struggles to get the words out of his head before they settle in too well.

Roman thinks that he was brave and he spoke to him so fondly, shutting down what was undoubtedly about to be an anxious ranting.

They turn towards Thomas and Nico and they stay like that for a moment, Roman’s hand still on Virgil’s shoulder. It feels nice. Maybe things are going to start turning around for all of them.

Virgil and Roman sinks back into Thomas’ head and try not to interfere too much while Thomas continues his conversation, completely smitten.

It’s only when Thomas gets out of his car and starts to walk towards his apartment that both Roman and Virgil jumps back out of his head again. It’s been a struggle to hold themselves in all of the drive back because it went so well. It was as close to perfect first date as Thomas might ever have been.

Well, perfect after he actually talked to the guy. Everything up until that second conversation was a huge disaster but Virgil doesn’t even want to dwell on that right now, even if it is part of his nature.

He feels vibrant and giddy and he’s fairly sure that he might be glowing but he is not about to check. He always feels a little self-conscious when he catches himself with purple glowing eyeshadow. It doesn’t happen that often.

“Dream come true, dream come true,” Roman is chanting as he moves back to his usual spot in front of the TV, while Virgil gets settled on the chairs and Thomas stands in the middle of the room.

“What, what? Oh my god!” Thomas says, just babbling to himself like he can’t quite believe it. Virgil doesn’t blame him. This feels like a lot. It’s building in his chest. Big and expanding.

A full-blown crush that is already starting to take hold and grow.

“I’m very sweaty right now. Okay, okay,” Roman says.

“Oh, man,” Virgil mutters to himself, keeping his head down and shaking it in disbelief. This is too much. It feels so big in his chest. He clamps his hand over his mouth but when he’s looking up at Roman and Thomas, he can see that they are doing the same.

Of course, it could only lead to one thing. They all let go at the same time and scream. It’s loud, even if Thomas’ voice is the only one that can be heard by the neighbors. Thomas starts shushing them and they start shushing Thomas and Virgil swears that they are all about to dissolve into giggles.

No forms just laughter. He feels so much, it’s like a spectrum of himself that he rarely experiences. It’s a little overwhelming but so intoxicating.

“You guys!” Thomas says, pointing at them.

Virgil is too wound up and he needs to let out steam somehow. Thomas is the best way. 

“Thomas, I’m going to need you to like walk around the room,” Virgil requests, “like the entire expanse of the room in a sort of a frenzy.”

“Cardio! Cardio!” Roman shouts encouragingly.

“Yep, thank you so much, yeah… that’s,” Virgil says and takes a breath as Thomas starts pacing, “that helps somehow.”

At times, Virgil will be confronted with the fact that he doesn’t know himself very well. He doesn’t always know why something about him makes sense or why a specific coping mechanism stops him in his tracks but he likes this better. This isn’t Thomas trying to get tips to defeat him like one of the first times that Virgil appeared out of his head and he went to Lilly. Now, it’s Virgil asking this of Thomas to help them both. It’s better, so much better.

“A poet to top it all off, he’s a poet!” Roman says and he sounds as happy as Virgil has ever heard him.

It’s so contagious and Virgil isn’t even conscious of the smile on his lips, even as he turns towards Roman. It feels right, he isn’t sure how he couldn’t be smiling.

“I just subtweeted about him,” Thomas says, coming back from the other side of the room with his phone in hand.

“That’s my boy!” Roman says proudly, and for a moment it reminds Virgil of Patton. Maybe he’s here with them too.

“What did you say?” Virgil asks, still smiling and giddy. 

“Had a good day today, hehe, heart with an arrow in it,” Thomas says and it’s clear as he’s reading it that he grows a little unsure. The raised eyebrow in Virgil’s direction is definitely an indication that he isn’t quite sure about it.

The euphoria slips away from a moment as Virgil’s anxiety comes surging back. What if he sees the tweet? What if he thinks poorly of Thomas? Isn’t that tweet too silly? Those and many more thoughts come in unwelcome.

“Huh? Delete it,” Virgil says and he doesn’t need to use his demonic voice for Thomas to obey instantly.

“Yeah, yeah. Yeah, makes sense,” Thomas says easily, and finds the tweet and deletes it.

“Oh, beauteous bard in the court of food…” Roman starts, and then seems to blank, “blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, dude. I’ll fill in the rest later.”

Virgil shakes his head a little but with the silly tweet gone, a different slew of thoughts come in all at ones. This could be a defining life moment for Thomas. After this one meeting, everything could be different. Everything could be better. The possibilities feel endless but for the first time, Virgil isn’t inclined to look only on the negatives. 

He lets himself get wrapped back up in the euphoria.

“What if things are never the same again?” he says and he’s keenly aware that those words could be twisted in a bad way, but his tone reveals that those speculations are the furthest from his mind. Nico could be a new beginning, a change in Thomas’ life forever, if he sticks around and enriches it.

“I mean that’s certainly possible but seeing as how we’ve only just met him,” Thomas reminds him, and Virgil reins himself in, “perhaps it’s not the wisest to expect so much.”

Virgil nods in agreement. He really should not get attached so quickly. It isn’t like him at all. Maybe that is a good thing. Roman isn’t the only one with mistakes in his past.

“But what a promising start, right?” Roman says, not letting Thomas’ caution affect him much.

Virgil envies it, and so he leans back into Roman’s giddiness and the euphoric feeling comes back to him. It feels like entirely too many butterflies are fluttering in his stomach.

“I know, right?” Virgil says.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m just overthinking things,” Thomas says and if Virgil wasn’t in this state then he would have questioned that. Thomas is a habitual overthinker, which is probably one of the reasons that they have so many debates back and forth. Thomas is literally arguing with himself in a way, thinking and thinking from different perspectives.

“Yeah! Join me, no thinking,” Roman says. Virgil would make a joke of that too, Roman playing perfectly into the dimwitted prince trope that he defends so heartily but it’s not a time to create spite between them.

He likes getting along a little too much and he isn’t sure Roman would take kindly to the joke right now.

“Thomas, do you need to pee?” Virgil asks, because he’s still restless. He has too much energy and he just needs Thomas to do something about it. He’s not sure what. It could be peeing. “I think you need to pee.”

“Oh! Okay, yeah!” Thomas says and runs off to the bathroom.

“Okay, I found a Michelin star restaurant,” Roman says, holding Thomas’ phone. “It’s in France.”

Normally, Virgil would dismiss that. No way that they are leaving the freaking country, but…

“I’m listening,” he says because he is inclined to give Roman the lead on this. This feels nice. Virgil wants to stay in it for as long as possible. A dinner in a foreign country is romantic, right? He doesn’t shoot down Roman’s idea.

“I did not have to pee,” Thomas announces as he comes back into the room. Virgil looks at him, slightly confused. Okay, the unrest was not from having to pee. 

“Plane tickets seem pretty cheap around February,” Roman says, still absorbed in Thomas’ phone.

“Thomas, I’m going to need you to shake your hands. Alright, you’ve got to do something with them,” Virgil says, a little needily. Thomas standing still is not good. His hands feel weird. They should be moving. “They’re just hanging there.”

Thomas nods and immediately starts moving his hands, waving them back and forth. It actually calms Virgil a little. He feels more centered. Thomas is so pliable and open for suggestions right now, and Virgil leans into it. It’s nice. Some of the hesitation that Thomas has regarded him with lately has vanished. The hope grows a little bigger. Maybe he can get back in Thomas’ good graces again.

Roman gasps dramatically. “Right in time for Valentine’s day.”

“Are you sure you don’t have to pee?” Virgil asks because there’s still something off.

“Oh, gosh…” Thomas says, ignoring Virgil for the first time, as he touches his face. He looks flushed but happy. It’s a good look on him. Then the concern slips in. “Are we ready for this?” he asks.

The concern sweeps over Virgil too. He cannot just let himself stay in the euphoria. It’s too dangerous. Who is going to bring Thomas back down?

“Uh, definitely!” Roman says, but there’s a slight waver in his voice. He doesn’t let it stop him and he just makes up for it with more confidence. Virgil wonders how much of it might be fabricated. “If he’s ready, we’re ready.”

“Okay, okay,” Thomas says, not really sounding all that convinced. “Yeah. Right.”

Virgil suddenly isn’t sure that Thomas is ready for this. Isn’t there some crap about you having to figure yourself out before you get into a serious relationship? Thomas is the furthest from figured out. He’s learning new things about himself every time he turns on his camera and pulls them all out of his head. Is he mature enough for this? Can he handle it?

Can Virgil help him handle it, or is he just going to mess it all up? How could he ever forgive himself if he messes this up for Thomas?

A bark comes unexpected and it rips Virgil from his spiraling thoughts.

“Demon!” he curses, pulling on his own demonic voice in his surprise.

“That dang dog!” Thomas shouts at his walls. At least some things haven’t changed.

“Dude, it’s okay that happens thirty times a day,” Roman says. “Please relax.”

“Don’t tell me to relax!” Virgil says, a little too angrily. He’s snapping at Roman now and Roman looks confused but Virgil can’t deal with that.

He can’t join Roman in the no thinking camp. Someone has to think. Logan has dipped out lately too, and so the responsibility seems to fall heavily on Virgil. Virgil isn’t sure that he can shoulder that responsibility alone.

It’s too much.

Thomas was right in asking if they’re ready. Virgil doesn’t feel ready, not at all. What if they can’t keep Janus in check? What if Thomas becomes a pathological liar? What if Remus gains control and makes Thomas acts on his intrusive thoughts? Roman, Patton and Logan are all slightly fractured right now, barely holding themselves and each other together.

Virgil is even more of a mess and he actively tries to hide it. He isn’t ready. But the better question is if he would ever be ready? Wouldn’t he always hesitate if given the choice? He doesn’t know how to jump into something scary and unknown with too many variables. It’s not what he does. That kind of this is more Roman’s area of expertise.

It is not like he has much of a choice regardless. Ready or not, they must continue and Virgil can only hope that he can do enough to look after Thomas. He desperately hopes that he, Roman, Patton and Logan can all do enough.

It has to be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](https://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/633345053820076032/virgil-enough-is-enough-you-must-let-this) (if you'd be so kind)
> 
> What did you think? Funny story, a third of this fic was written in the wrong tense before I remembered that I write these fics in present tense, so I had to go back and edit it quite a lot. I did not enjoy that but I do hope that you enjoyed this fic! I love diving into Virgil's head so much. I'm building a little on the lore from the hints dropped here and there but I'm always trying to stay truthful to Thomas, Joan and the team's version in these fics. For my Sanders Sides AU I play around a little more. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and hopefully see you after the next Sanders Sides video? I have a feeling that it's going to be Virgil heavy (or maybe I'm just hoping so). We might get another Aside before that though. We will see. Either way, I still love Sanders Sides so much and each new episode captivates me.


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